Podcast with NiCole Power of the Collective
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[00:00:00] Sometimes it's so easy to think that we need to do growth by ourselves, and I have a guest today, NiCole Hale, who is going to talk with me about the power of the collective and the role the collective plays in our development and growth.
I'm so grateful to have my friend NiCole with us today for this podcast about collective growth. NiCole and I have been friends for 13 years, which I delight in, and I also am so excited about
NiCole
finishing her master's degree recently in educational technology and instructional design.
NiCole, what else do you want to tell us about yourself? Uh, I am a magnanimous lover of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that every good thing in my life has come because of Him, and I continue to benefit daily from His Atonement. I'm very grateful for that. Something that will probably come up later in our conversation is my focus of study in my master's degree, and that was transformative learning in adult education, which I'm really proud of.
I've noticed that I had been studying that for years, even in my scripture study, and that I continue to naturally gravitate toward those ideas of transformative learning and how to bring about positive growth in adults. Right now, I apply it as an instructional designer for a community college where we create online learning that's values-based, and also here at Grow in the Light, and it's my honor and pleasure to be part of your story, Emily.
It's beautiful to collaborate on this together because that is what we are seeking is transformation, change and growth and development that lasts in higher and holier ways. So let's start with a story, NiCole, of this week and you going to the painting class that you didn't really want to go to.
Can you tell listeners about that? Sure. Well, probably you should know that I'm just coming out of a month of really just some challenging circumstances as a caregiver for my father, and I have been his, power of attorney and primary caregiver arranging medical needs for over a decade now.
But, he's been very ill the last few weeks, and he was recently transferred after a 12-day hospital stay to a skilled nursing facility for further rehab. And when he was in the hospital, I stayed with him almost every night, so I had 10 nights in the hospital myself. And you don't get much sleep, and it's a high-stress environment.
Intended for healing, right? But it's definitely not calming. And I returned home after he was transferred to skilled nursing. I felt like I could come and sleep in my own bed and spend more time with my family, and he was in a safe place. And all I wanted to do was stay there. I also am not an extrovert by nature.
I can move in crowds, and I'm comfortable presenting and doing things that I need to do, but when you talk about healing, I think of going to a nice shady corner and enjoying a cool breeze alone, not with a bunch of people. So, I had been home about a week from that hospital experience, and I knew that a Relief Society activity was coming up, and I also knew that I needed to parent [00:04:00] myself in order to go.
I really wanted to still stay home and still be alone as much as possible. I was going back and forth between skilled nursing and home. And, spending a lot of my days there, but sleeping in my own bed at night, having dinner with my family and such. So knew this activity was coming up. In order to lock myself into going, I decided to invite a neighbor that I knew probably wouldn't go on her own.
So it was kind of a mutual win-win, right? It was a little bit selfish, but also I knew it would be something she would enjoy, to have a buddy, and together we would be strong enough to go. So I did that, and she accepted, and everything was set, and I knew I was going, and then two hours before, she said, "Oh, NiCole, something's come up and I really can't go."
So I was left to sheer agency. Was I going to go or not? I really didn't want to go, Emily. I really put it off and I'm belaboring this point because that is what is going on in my mind. When I'm deciding to go, I go back and forth, "Really, do I want to? Wouldn't it be more fun to read a book and-" It's this battle of the parts, isn't it?
It is. All these different parts that have voices in us. I knew it would be good for me, though, and in the end, I just grabbed the keys, got in the car, and drove myself to the church. I walked in, to this room full of women that I knew, neighbors and friends who are kind faces, and I sat down and we had a paint night.
I had time to reflect and really focus on mixing my colors and trying to turn this acrylic paint into what looked like an orange with leaves. Just a simple fruit on a little canvas. And that experience was really grounding for me. It gave me creativity that really sparked good and happy feelings all the way down my spine.
And the thing that surprised me, wanting to be alone , you know, trying to de- decompress from my stressful month, alone as I heal, was how healing it was to be in that room, in that collective. Nothing earth-shattering happened. It was a simple opportunity to just be there with other souls that I knew who loved me and cared about me, and, were interested in seeing me there, that I could not fade into the distance too far.
And they missed me, they were happy to see me again. I could have stayed on the couch to decompress and heal, but also I could be in the collective and recognize how much I am loved, and have a reason to laugh, and realize that that laugh that I heard in the room was joined by my own laughter.
Mm. And that was deeply healing, too, It's restorative, isn't it? It definitely was, after a sad and stressful month, to hear myself laugh, and I don't know. Back to normal. And- You being held by them- Yeah ... and your laughter being held together.
Yeah. That it provides something unique that we can't get individually. And something in your soul knew that, that drew you to that, and I love that. Mm-hmm. I wanna talk about in, in January, you joined one of our growth groups here at Grow in the Light. I did. Tell me about that experience. That has also been surprising.
I definitely am one to hesitate to [00:08:00] trust other people, especially people I don't know. But this growth group has been so sincere and so full of faith and so welcoming that I had nothing to do but trust them. They took me by surprise. What's been more important is that I have discovered... You know, in my desire to be on my own and independent, I'm also a do-it-yourselfer.
I'm a fix it myself girl, even if it's my own heart. It'll be between me and God, thank you very much. And I have been deeply and pleasantly surprised by this growth group of wise women, who are all striving to serve God and to apply true principles and live their covenants day to day in their messy lives.
We have messy lives. I am not alone. And though my mess looks different from theirs, and, we don't always share every detail of that messy life, but I can tell that they're going through difficult things and I'm going through difficult things. And we mutually welcome one another and encourage one another as we try to apply true principles instead of being stuck in our routine or rut of triggered, faulty thinking.
It's been so good to come together once a week and think intentionally about how to apply the gospel in these lives of ours. I want to talk a little bit here, knowing that the teachings that we talk about a lot in this course are based in neuroscience and developmental psychology.
Has that been daunting for you, or has that been helpful for you? Oh, maybe I'm a little weird, but I think it is so cool. It becomes a powerful tool when you understand the neuroscience, and you understand how to stop triggered thinking or how to pause your habits and to look with more clarity, intentionality to, see where you're going wrong, where you might be, maybe applying a tradition that is not helpful.
Or maybe a popular phrase that really is creating some sort of friction in your home, and you realize, "Oh, this is not a gospel principle. It's not a true principle, and it's creating a problem." And having that group and the neuroscience to help tease out those things that are not true from what are true, and then add on that the Gospel of Jesus Christ to further, put it against the backdrop of eternal principles.
It's just
a,
layer upon layer that has created some powerful tools in my thinking toolbox. We talk about a wise woman being one that receives the truth, takes the Holy Spirit for her guide, and is not deceived. And while those seem like spiritual principles and us living our covenants, right, activating our agency, it's amazing how pairing that with the findings we understand about how God made the human brain and about how adults develop in this process and what we can do to understand that and live that more fully.
It really helps us live the spiritual principles together and use our agency more [00:12:00] wisely because we understand this beautiful intersection, as President Oaks talks about it, of the scientific method and the spiritual method and how beautifully they complement each other as we practice living our covenants in that way.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I love seeing how it comes to pass. Things that may have stopped me out of fear or out of reflex or out of unbridled passion that was triggered due to some negative response, and to see it be reined in, by understanding the neuroscience of what's going on in my brain, and then be able to have some tools to lead me out of it and to recognize with more clarity, this is why God gave us these principles, these eternal principles of seeking light and seeking for truth and studying things out and the power of prayer.
Something that is really powerful to me about the women we meet with is how they love so simply and so genuinely.
It has taken me off guard. Their vulnerability and their willingness to speak about their challenges as they've tried to apply true principles in their lives, um, the roadblocks they come up against and their willingness to be transparent about them. Because we have to face them before we improve them, right?
We have to face what is causing us a struggle before we can understand what tool to pull out, use, and get us back on track. So that level of faith and sincerity and vulnerability has really caused me to be less, guarded and more willing to take an honest look at my own soul, and has led to greater growth.
And I like to talk about this word flourish. Human flourishing. I think everyone's heard of the hierarchy of needs, that we need food, we need water, we need shelter, we need love. We need that to survive. But if humans will reach the measure of their potential, they need to flourish.
And in order to flourish, they need to get past what holds them back, whether it's fear or, clouded thinking, faulty reasoning, all or nothing. All of those can, just pull us back and cause us to retract when we would otherwise flourish.
And,
Seeing these women and their example, and having the opportunity for my own introspection and my own confidence grow as I've seen how I can live the gospel more fully, has helped me feel like I am flourishing more in a joyful way. That's beautiful. And it's the idea of development. We are created to continue growing and developing.
That's the idea. Just like a plant flourishes as it blossoms and grows, that's how the Lord wants us to be. Not just to survive, but to continue to expand, to grow. Mm-hmm. And so true. Like a rose that the petals unfold, and then the scent is inside, and the scent will fill the air around that rose, around the [00:16:00] rosebush, right?
That's beautiful ... create a positive influence around it. Yeah. Have you felt that more in a collective than you were able to feel it in your individual journey? Yes, absolutely. I think my confidence has grown, and just my perception of self has been enhanced as I've seen the good reflected in others. It's given me more courage , and the encouragement that they bring, the literal encouragement for me in my various needs, and their willingness to pray for me, too. That's something that I have found in the collective as well, is power of collective prayer.
Incredible. I used to think about, um, if the only thing I could do was pray for them, I felt like that was just so- minuscule. It, among the other things, the grand heroism that you know, the scale of things that could be done, all I can do is pray.
And I felt like, wow, how weak. But this experience that I mentioned with my father in the hospital, people became more aware of what was going on. They started to ask my husband, "Where is NiCole?" And, when I had to have Zoom meetings and I had to keep the volume down and tell my colleagues, "I'm at a hospital right now," but I knew we had to meet.
And of course the women, the collective group, and friends, as they started to become aware, they, without me requesting, started to say things like, "NiCole, I am praying for you. I'm praying for your father." And, um, it was so touching to me that they would use their agency, their effort, their time, their heart to turn their thoughts to Heavenly Father in my behalf, in my father's behalf.
Especially touching knowing that my father is not a man of faith, and I respect that, that I don't want to impose that on him. And, and that's kind of part of why I wouldn't necessarily ask others to pray for him if that's not something he believes. But the power of their voluntary prayers to cover him in addition to me was so touching.
And as I started to see his journey through his illness, um... There was a, at one point, he slept for 34 hours straight, basically. He woke for just a couple tiny things and was so groggy, he just fell right back to sleep. I started to think he was going to just slip into a coma and slip away. And that would've been okay, and I would've trusted that those prayers still ascended to heaven.
But the comfort that they brought through those hours and beyond was just tangible and real, and it's the first time that I've really truly felt like it was some substance around me, enfolding me, and covering us, and just so precious.
What a gift to have collective prayer. That's beautiful. It's a testament of the power of Zion, of us being called not just to live the gospel and live our covenants as individuals, but to live it in collective identity with one another. To hold and to be held in Zion is part of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.
Mm-hmm. Yes. So what would be your takeaway message about the power of the collective in your growth?
Well, I do see Zion in this. It's like we're [00:20:00] practicing Zion, right? We're studying Isaiah as a family right now, and just this power of understanding that it's in the last days that Zion will be established. Well, it's not going to happen overnight, and it won't happen against our agency. It will be because we practice Zion.
We'll practice it first in our hearts, and then in the collective. And as we practice and get better at it, Zion will be established a little at a time, and then it'll grow. And I love that idea of being part of Zion growing, that as I try, with halting steps, sometimes it's a little wonky and sometimes I don't do it well, but I'm trying, and I love having the collective to support me as I try.
I love Zion. And you are activating your agency to choose to be a part of it. Yeah. Thanks for joining us today, NiCole, and for sharing your witness of the power of the collective with us. Mm. Thank you so much, Emily. It's good to be with you.
I'm so glad you were with us here today at Grow in the Light, and to hear NiCole's witness of the power of the collective and how it contributes to our transformational learning and growth. If you want to be a part of this collective growth in one of our growth groups, they start every few months, so check out our offerings here at Grow in the Light.
And I invite you to continue gathering and embracing and sharing this light one ray of light at a time.
