27. Being a Wise Woman in a War Zone with Karen Young
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[00:00:00] How do these wise woman skills of soulful alignment and having oil in our lamp supply when you find yourself in a war zone? Back in December, I did a podcast with Karen Young, a friend and mentor who was living as a missionary in Qatar in the Middle East. Karen and her husband, Rob, are mentors for me of both saying yes to God in our lives and living together with vibrant interdependence as a husband and wife.
This week in coaching, Karen shared her experience with me about the war breaking out in the Middle East and being evacuated to Morocco. Her insights were so powerful, and she gave me permission to share it so we can all learn from her experience and reflect on what it means to be a wise woman in a war zone.
A few days before the war started, our zone leader called us and said, "Look, it looks like this is gonna happen, so you need to go to the store and go get some supplies 'cause you might have to shelter in place." And so we did that, and I was cleaning the apartment on the Saturday that the, the war started, and the doors were open and I was vacuuming.
All of a sudden we hear the boom, boom, boom, and I go out on our patio. And Rob has a video of it, but I, I can't even hardly watch it because I just start to cry. I just started to cry. If ... Now, because we had been in the ... When they sent missiles into Doha last summer- Yeah ... um, I knew that they would probably intercept them.
Yeah. That the Patriot missiles would do their job and, and I didn't feel like I was just in danger, but I did feel like, oh, my word, a war has started. I think that that's interesting for you to say, "I knew that there was an element of safety," but at the same time, to see it and to hear it with your senses and understand what's going on, that a war is starting.
Let's just hold space for that. What does that do inside the mind- It's huge ... the heart, the psyche? Well, you know, it was just too crazy to even talk about. And then there's my sweet Jared that said, "Mom, you know I'll miss you and I love you, but if a bomb hit you right now and you were gone, I'll see you in 15 minutes," because this life is just so short.
And he just had eternal perspective. "You know I love you, Mom. I'll miss you, but I'll see you in 15 minutes." For me personally, my first initial reaction was to, um- To just cry. And that was, that was as, as, um ... And it wasn't like bawling tears, it was just an emotional release that I could not believe- Yeah
that I am in a war zone, you know, and this is happening, and I can hear it. And it went a lot that day. We would ... And I said, "Rob, don't, don't leave me. You have to stand right by me because if one hits, we're going together." We didn't go more than a- almost a day for two and a half weeks. There was always, there was more booms out there.
They got so to the point that they would put an alarm on your phone, and you knew that you're supposed to go inside and get away from the windows. And they would give you another beep on your phone when the danger was gone, when they had intercepted all the missiles. They had a pretty good system. Not at first.
The first few days they didn't, and then after that they did. Although, it's kind of funny to be woke up at 3:00 o'clock in the morning with these alarms, you know? And then it's hard, hard to go back to sleep. But I never worried about it hitting us. The s- one of the scariest, I had two other scary times.
One was the very next day after the first ... We get, I kind of thought in the back of my head, "It's just gonna be a one-time shot like last time, and then it'll be over." Ah. And so the very next day it was really quiet, and so we went for a little walk outside. And as we were walking, um, we heard like seven or eight of these interceptions right above our head.
Boom, boom, boom. Right above our head. And I was pretty [00:04:00] scared, and we high-tailed it back to the apartment. Because what you're afraid of is not really the bomb hitting you or the missile hitting you, you're afraid of the debris that falls down afterwards. Yeah. And, uh, and so Rob's looking up in the sky looking for debris because it's really basically over our head and
But we never saw any. We went back and we were safe as can be in the house, you know. And so for two and a half weeks we didn't go very far. You could go to the grocery store, and it felt pretty safe. We went to a little kid's birthday party, but very limited. They had Zoom church for the two weeks. And then we got the call that I just thought we were gonna just be able to hang out in Doha until it was over.
And, and our zone leader called us about three weeks ago and said, "It looks like the church is gonna pull you. So I just wanted to give you a heads-up so you're not shocked. And it, they'll make the decision tonight." And, and so the next morning about 7:30 in the morning we got the call that we needed to go.
So we got tickets for the next day. I asked them, "Do we pack for just for the time we're there, or do we pack like we're never coming back?" And they said, "You pack like you're never coming back." That's- Just crazy. So we really are refugees, you know, in a way. Yeah. And, um, and that, that is, that is weird. I never thought I would be in a war zone and a refugee.
Um, and- And let's just hold space for that, because it's really easy to brush it off. "I can handle it. It's no big deal. Everything's okay." But it's the reality of you were on a walk when bombs were exploding above your head, right? Yeah. The human brain, whether it's conscious or not, is going to be having a bracing reaction.
There was, like I say, one other time we were sitting in our office. The first week we didn't go to DICID, and the next week we went back. Okay. Because we could shelter in place at work as well as we could shelter in place at home, you know what I mean? They give you all these warnings now. And so, so we got there and a warning went off in our office, and our office is the only one that doesn't have windows.
So our little friend, my Muslim friend Nadia, came in and we were sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom. And the doors, we have these, these doors that you can walk outside on this porch, and the door was just rattling really, really loud. So these were closer than I had expected, and that did scare me.
Wow. The doors were just rattling. And then it was over, and it was done, and you go back. It is just a weird way to live. Sometimes they're far, far away in the distance, and most of these are way up above, where they're getting intercepted. It's not like I think I'm gonna die, but there's something that goes on in your brain when you think there's bombs going off.
These, these are missiles being intercepted and, and attacked. Made to destroy the buildings, right? Made to destroy people. You know, to kill people. And then your, your head gets all around the political stuff, and you go, "Why is this happening?" Trying to make sense of the story. Yeah. I know that, um, one of the, the ladies that, that we work...
It's... He works with the church a lot here, and they just retired, but he was somewhere else when these bombs went off, and she was alone. His wife was alone, and he couldn't get back to her. And for six days these bombs hit, and she was by herself, going into the middle of their house every time the alarms would go off, and she truly has PTSD.
And I think that's one of the reasons that I'm probably better off than I am. First of all, she was getting hit with more bombs than we did, but second of all, I was not alone. Yeah. And I think that makes a huge difference. Has this changed my life forever? You betcha. This has changed my life forever. Yeah.
But it also puts you in a beautiful place of compassion. Yeah. Like, if the world unfolds this way, you have a first-hand experience of being a refugee and of being in a war zone, and, and [00:08:00] understanding how to succor those who have those life experiences. Make this a, an important part of your mission. That, that, this is it.
This was part of that. It- Well, and who would've known? How would you had ever planned for this? Uh, Jared, 'cause he's, he's such a wise little punk, he said to me when we got, when we had to leave, he said, "Mom, you've been on a mission. It's just a transfer." Oh. You know what a transfer's like. You pack up everything and you go have a new experience.
And so that's how he's really helped me mentally because when we drove away from our apartment, got an Uber, and I cried all the way to the airport. And I, and I got to the airport and I said, "Rob, I'm okay now." Mm. It wasn't like crying out loud. I just had tears running down my face. Yeah. And- You had emotional release flowing.
Yeah. Yeah. It was. And then I got to the airport and it's like, "Okay, let's move on. Let's go. I'm ready," you know? But I, I, yeah, I, I, I was devastated to leave Doha like that. Mm. Yeah, yeah. Which makes sense. It totally makes sense why you would feel that way. Yeah. And Karen, I wanna invite you to just give yourself permission, even though now you're in a safe place, that there's still some of that trauma that's in your body, that if it ever does need to come up, it's just like I just need to let those tears flow.
Yeah. No judgment, no assigning anything to it other than it just needs to flow out of my body, right? And tears is a beautiful way to let that happen. I love it that you, you say that 'cause as I was crying I always thought, "Karen, get yourself under control here," you know? Oh. It's okay. You know, mentally know that.
And then I thought, mm, and then I had the thought- No, I really need to do this. Yes. I just need to cry. Yes. And it, and it was a 30-minute ride to, to the airport, and I cried. Yeah. I cried 90% of the way. I just had tears flowing down my face, and I'd blow my nose, and I would just move on. And Rob was so wise.
He didn't say a word. I was so glad, because if he had tried to say, "It's okay, Karen. Get over it," you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, just, you know, how, "Fix it," I didn't need to be fixed at that moment. Yeah. I just, just needed- But you also didn't even need to process it. Like, I don't need to have to put into words what I'm feeling.
Oh. I just need to let it all flow out physically. Yeah. And there's something to that as well. It's really good, don't get me wrong, it's really good to talk it out and wrap our brain around it and be able to make sense of those stories, but there's some of it that's just physiological stress response tension that just needs to be cried out.
Yeah. And we're- I'm glad you said that. That makes me feel better. Seriously, do it. I give myself permission to cry out whatever else I need to. And even just to say that, make it a matter of prayer. Lord, if there's anything else left in me that needs to be cried out so I don't hold onto that- Yeah, yeah, yeah
I, give me time and place to be able to do that. And who would've ever dreamed that this would've happened? Yeah. I mean, I knew I was going to the Middle East, and I knew that we were next to Iran. I mean, I did know that. But you just never really think it's gonna happen to you, though. Yeah. You know? But do you know what, Karen?
This is the parable of the 10 virgins, right? They thought they were prepared with their lamps. They were invited to this, and they all came with the intention, and it didn't go how they thought it would, right? Yeah. The bridegroom was delayed, and things didn't happen as expected and- And I didn't have oil in my lamp.
I had to go buy another suitcase. But you did have oil in your lamp in mental, and emotional, and spiritual resilience, right? That's how you were able to do what you did without [00:12:00] having as much of this PTSD response, right? Let yourself cry. Let yourself do this. Let yourself voice what you need, and move on and keep going.
Like, I think that what you demonstrated is very much our last-day skill, right? Because a lot of unpredictable things are gonna happen. We're told that. We're promised that in the last days. And to be able to be resilient like you were- We're gonna have a lot of mission call transfers, right? I think that's probably the biggest thing that I'm learning right now is just are you really willing to do whatever Heaven Father wants you to do.
You know, are you really? I mean, really. He, he called you on the covenant of consecration, right? Yeah, yeah. I've thought about that over and over and over again. I talk to people back at home and their lives are just going on pretty normal and things are going great. And, and I think, "Well, mine has just been turned upside down and thrown up outside the door," you know.
But it's okay. And look, I'm okay. I'm really am okay. And I'm- You are okay ... and I- Yeah ... and it's such a- an amazing thing when you turn your life over to God that you will be okay. It didn't go like you wanted it to, and there's hard things to go through, m- but there's such blessings I think, and that's the only reason I'm okay right now, really.
And do you know what? I think that's powerful, just in tapping on your chest and just letting your wise woman, body, spirit, heart, and mind know that. Things didn't turn out as I'd planned, and I'm okay. Yeah. I'm safe. Right? Yeah. This is not what I'm expect, I expected, and I'm okay. I'm safe. Because even when we have faith in our spirit, right, we are body, spirit, heart, and mind.
Mm. There's still a part of your heart that's in Doha with those people. Oh, yeah. You know it. There's still a part of your mind that's trying to wrap around what it meant to be in a war zone and politics and all of that, right? There's still part of this, like, tension and bracing inside our body 'cause we're human.
We're- Oh, yeah ... human beings. No matter how much faith we have, we still need to give ourselves permission to cry, and to feel, and to grieve, and to wonder, right? Yeah, yeah. All the feelings. Yeah. Well, and that's, that's what you've taught me. I'm so grateful that you and I have been talking 'cause I think I handled this better because of- Mm
a more awareness of what my mind was doing, you know? Yeah. I'm really grateful. That was meant to be, you know. It helps you be a better wise woman steward. And do you know what, Karen, I really feel, I feel like tiny little David, but I feel like in the past couple of weeks I've had a greater understanding of what the Parable of the 10 Virgins means.
And, and the t- kind of challenges that really do- lie in store for us between now and the time the Savior comes again. And there's gonna be a lot of challenges, and we really have to be prepared in these ways. Just like y- just like you illustrated, right? Walking through it, but still crying. Buying the suitcase and saying goodbye and giving the hugs and still crying, but knowing that this is the Lord's will, and we'll keep going, and we'll keep doing it.
To have that oil in our lamps when, when there's bombs above Doha, like, literally. This is the undercurrent of what I am feeling is gonna be [00:16:00] more normal than we think, right? There's, there's... What you experienced is something to share, is something to help other women be prepared for, is, is why we're doing what we're doing as wise women.
Like, teaching women to be wise women. Here's how we have oil in our lamp. Here's how we care for body, spirit, heart, and mind in these moments of conflict, right? And it hits me really deep in my heart when you say those things now because I've felt them. They're not just s- information in my brain It's, it's deep.
But this- Deep in here. God does this. God prepared David to battle Goliath long before he stood before Goliath, right? Yeah. In that moment of a stress response, David had those skills to lean back on, right? And what God is doing right now in preparing us as wise women is that exact work. Like, we can't minimize it, and we can't put it off.
I just feel so strongly that it... Get it to the people because you need to be ready before you think you need to be ready. Be ready. You know, um, you know, years ago, Rob went to four and a half months. He was in Afghanistan. And, um, and I, and I have to be really honest with you, Emily, he did not ask me if he could go to Af- he volunteered to go up to Afghanistan, and I was really ticked because he didn't consult me at all.
I- this was one of those moments where I, you know, he said, "Karen, I just feel the Spirit, and I need to go," and he'd already made the decision. And, and I was frankly, and have, and let him know, I'm really ticked at him because I think we should make big decisions together and, and we should have. But I, okay, I'm just, now I just got that all out, and we're really fine now.
Yeah. But, um, he went to Afghanistan, and he, he had deeply spiritual experiences. But he was shot at. There was missiles going off, and there were bombs there, and he experienced all of that there, which helped extremely that he had that experience where he was calm, and he could help me be calm. And he should have been there.
I know he should have been there, but I was just mad the way he did it. But, um-
That helps so much to have him, um, not be panicked and to be very calm, and it helped me be calm. And, um, and it's funny, you talk about experiences that help you for the next experience, and they're all there. I didn't think I would be in a war zone. That was, that happens to military people. I am very aware of the signs of the times, and I know that we're getting close to the Savior coming again.
And, and I know that a lot of those signs have to happen in the Middle East. And, and so it is kind of a humbling experience to be, um, have a first-hand experience right here in, in prophecy being fulfilled too. You know, Rob reminds me, there's still some things that have to happen, Karen. I don't think the Savior's coming tomorrow.
But it is interesting. Yeah. So what counsel would you give to other women?
I think the biggest thing is our, for me, it's really Leaning on the Savior more than you've ever leaned, leaned on the Savior in your life. It's really knowing that He knew you were gonna go through this, and He's gonna be there with you. He's gonna give you peace. But it doesn't stop the fact that you have to go through stuff But I know it'll be okay in the end because even if something happened to us, [00:20:00] I'll see you in 15 minutes.
It'll be okay. You know? I wish I could help people understand how important it was to keep their covenants and to really, really do whatever Heavenly Father asks you to do, no matter what it is This is a beautiful connection to the podcast you did of say yes to the Lord. Yeah. Like, say yes to the Lord in calm times, but also say yes to the Lord in a war zone, right?
And leading up to it. Yeah. And then having to leave the war zone. I, I would've stayed, you know, but it was time to go. And because God's in the story, then I just need to relax and en- enjoy the moments. Enjoy ... We're right out by the beach again. Rob and I are out walking almost every morning and, and we, we take off and we try to do all the things that we can do.
We're on God's errand. We all are, whether we're on a mission or not on a mission. We're just all on God's errand. Yeah. We're just trying to be- figure out life and, and, and trying to become like, like the Savior, and that means that we have to go through hard stuff. I mean, let, let's face it, He, He went through a few hard things and, and if we're gonna be like Him we're gonna have to go through hard things, so.
And it's like Emily Freeman's talking conference. Like, the very best days can be the very worst days, right? Oh, d- that talk just hit my heart. Yeah. You're living that right now, right? I am living that. The best day and the worst days, you know? Yeah. And, um, yeah. And yet you still gotta put your foot forward and step.
And it's, it's a faith thing. You know? Um, y- you walk by faith and, and you just have to step one foot forward. And, you know, we have seven more months, and I don't know where those seven more months are gonna take us. I have no idea. But we just wanna finish and, and finish the way, whatever way Heavenly Father wants us to.
You know? And I, I will cry if we can't get back to Doha. Mm. But it, God knows. Yeah. He knows. And, and if we can't back, get back, then He has another plan for us. Why would you cry if you can't get back? Why ... I ... Well, I would cry because I didn't get what I want first, and I'm a little, I'm a five-year-old deep in my heart.
But, um, but I love those people so much. And I didn't get to say goodbye to them, and I wanna go back. But it's okay if I don't. But we just had to pick up and leave. So you left part of your heart in Doha. Absolutely, 100%. Yeah. But God's got us this far. He's gonna continue to get us there. So I watch the news every day, and it's hard to watch some of the stuff that's going on, because it's...
War is ugly. It's hard to watch. It's ugly. People are getting killed, you know? And I... It, it's hard to watch. Karen, I just wanna shine a light on as well the beautiful example that you and Rob are. It just really touched me how you said at the beginning that when it was first unfolding, you didn't want him to be away from you, because it was like, "If we're gonna go, we're gonna go together."
Yeah. Like, how literally He was that safe place, that safe- Yeah ... haven for you, and that's just a beautiful, a beautiful tribute to the kind of relationship that you have. I have been blessed. That is for sure. Mm. That's beautiful. Yeah. That's just really, really wonderful. So what's your takeaway from today, from all of this?
Uh, my takeaway [00:24:00] today is it's okay to cry.
That's what I did great today
I probably need to do a little bit more, but... Yeah. Wise women cry. Uh. Yeah. Yeah. I think- Because, like, you know, you try to be so brave. It's okay to cry. Yeah One of the attributes of a wise woman is, is the E of equanimity, right? I've studied a lot about what equanimity means. 'Cause I used to think it meant, like, being calm and being composed and, like, feeling peace amidst the storm.
But I realized the other day, as I was having some tears about something, it was, you know what? I am in equanimity, and I am crying. That sometimes equanimity means letting the things flow that need to flow and knowing, trusting the Lord in that. And I think that includes the tears, just like you said.
Sometimes it's, we need to cry. Yeah. That's what a wise woman does, is lets that come out. And I, and I think that gives you, um, it is a release for sure. I think we put, we put a different label on tears sometimes that we shouldn't. That's good. I like it. I'm gonna remember that. And Jesus modeled it for us.
Jesus wept too. Yeah, yeah. Right? He did, and he even knew he was gonna, gonna raise Lazarus in just a few minutes, but he still wept, you know? Yeah.
I want to hold a space of reverent respect for Karen and for all those souls who have been touched by the current war in the Middle East and violent conflicts around the world. I'm grateful for her sharing her experience, which invites increased compassion and awareness for how important it is to fill our lamps every day with the oil of preparation, and to increase our capacity to live individually and collectively as wise women.
I invite you to join us as we continue to explore and practice living these principles together on the podcast and together on Zoom in our monthly Gathering of Light. Check out the website for dates and links. I also invite you to share this podcast with a woman you want to invite on the journey of receiving, magnifying, and sharing the light one ray at a time.
